Another Level
by DSISandraPullman39
Summary: Now she was sure their world was about to be turned upside down and she couldn't bring herself to tell him yet until she was sure and more importantly sure about what she wanted to do about it if it was true.
1. Chapter 1

**Another Level 1/?**

**Disclaimer:-** Don't own them just borrowing!

**Episode:-** 03/03 (vague references no real spoilers)

**Pairing:- **Nicola/Ollie

**Rating:- **M

**Achieve:- ** **http(:/) . /group/rebeccafrontlewisffarchive/**

**Summary:- **. Now she was sure their world was about to be turned upside down and she couldn't bring herself to tell him yet until she was sure and more importantly sure about what she wanted to do about it if it was true.

**Author's Note:- **Sequel to "A different sort of Meltdown" if you haven't read it I would advise you read it before reading this otherwise you might be a little confused as to how we got to the stage that this one starts at! If you don't mind just accepting the facts as laid out in this first chapter you could read this on it's own though it's entirely up to you! Rating for language and sexual references so if you don't wanna read it stop now otherwise enjoy and as always reviews would be lovely!

Standing in the empty ladies bathroom at the DoSAC offices Nicola stared into the sink her stomach still churning as she tried to work out if it was save to move, to go back to her office and try to decide what the hell she was going to do about the situation she was now almost 100% sure she was in. For the third night in a row bang on six o'clock she'd had to make the same dash from her office to the ladies. The first night she'd blamed it on the iffy smelling cheese sandwich Glen had brought her from the deli. The second night she'd blamed the stress from the lengthy screaming match she'd just finished having with Malcolm but she was already starting to doubt those explanations. Now with night three under her belt she couldn't ignore the obvious. She's been here before four times to be exact and she was already in a fully-fledged panic inside her head that she was trying to reign in until the others had all left.

"Jesus Nicola you look like hell are you ok?" Ollie asked making her jump as she moved through the office trying to get to the relative safety of her own office door at the other side.

"Fuck Ollie I thought you'd all gone don't fucking do that to me." She snapped glaring at him as his eyes narrowed and she knew she had to get as far away from him as possible. She needed to be able to think straight and of all people he was the last one she needed to see at that exact moment.

"What's going on? I thought you had left already and last time I saw you you were a better fucking colour and didn't look so terrified has something happened? Have you been home? Is it James has he….."

"Don't Ollie I thought we agreed after conference that we weren't going to discuss James you promised you'd let me handle it without fussing over me very time I look like I'm a little more fucking stressed or whatever. I haven't been home and even if I had he's not there to do anything he's in Dublin on business until the end of the week."

"I know what we agreed that I wouldn't tell anyone else about it but you can't expect me not to care if I think he's hurt you again." Ollie sighed running his fingers down her arm and lacing them with hers as she refused to meet his eye. "I care about you and if that doesn't suit you I don't give a fuck because it's a fact now are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing look I need to go I haven't even laid eyes on the kids in three days I want to get home before they are all in bed again it's bad enough that they forget they have a fucking father these days it's not fair for them to only see me from behind as I climb into the car at stupid o'clock in the morning." Nicola sighed pulling away from him and fighting her urge to just blurt out exactly what she was thinking and throw them both into a tail spin when there was nothing they could do about it at that time of night in the middle of a government building.

"Well once you've got them to bed why don't you call over I think you need to talk and I need to see you myself for more than five minutes between fuck up in this place." Ollie continued as she grabbed her bag from the office and shrugged as she passed him again.

"I'll see, look just let me sort home out a little then we'll talk but I can't promise it'll be tonight." She said quietly as he followed her down the stairs her two ministerial boxes in his hand and set them into the back of the car where Elvis was waiting outside the door.

"Ok but you'll try?" He asked as she nodded and closed the door and he watched the car drive off.

Glancing back through the tinted rear windshield of the car Nicola fought the urge to tell Elvis to go back as she sank back into the seat and tried to think what she could possibly do to get through this and if she could ever even tell him what she was worried was happening. When they'd spent the night together at the conference, well when they'd spent three nights together to be exact, she'd promised herself it would be the only time it happened, that it was a side step of the road of complete fidelity to her husband that she'd been on up to that point, but it hadn't proved to be that easy. He'd refused to let the bruises he'd seen on her body that first night drop and while she knew he'd kept his promise to not push her into action by telling Malcolm about James's violence he had been like a constant body guard on alert for any hint that it had happened again. His quiet attentiveness had made it easy for them to fall into a relationship of sorts, not one that could be defined nor one that even had any structure but a relationship none the less. Now she was sure their world was about to be turned upside down and she couldn't bring herself to tell him yet until she was sure and more importantly sure about what she wanted to do about it if it was true.

"Elvis can we stop off on the way home please there's a little 24 hour pharmacy in the row of shops round the corner from my house there would do." She said quietly smiling as the driver nodded before sinking back into the car seat and trying to calm the pounding in her chest and keep the panic she was still managing to hold on to under control.

Standing outside the DoSAC offices still staring at the space where Nicola's car had been five minutes after she left Ollie sighed.

"Nicola Murray you don't fucking fool me any more something is going on and I wish you just fucking tell me instead of making me play guess the crisis." He muttered checking his jacket pockets establishing he had his phone and car keys before heading across the car park toward his car. Getting in he put the key in the ignition before sitting back unable to start the engine just yet. The few weeks since they had returned from Eastbourne had been strange to say the least but he was adapting to the change in his feelings toward her and thought she was too. It was far from an ideal situation and every time he thought her waste of space husband had laid a hand on her again he had to fight the urge to go round their and beat the fucking shit out of him but he'd kept his promise and not acted on what he knew. Tonight though something was seriously wrong, he could feel it and he didn't know if he could just drive home and carry on as if he didn't. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out his phone dialling her number and waiting till she answered.

"Ollie I only left you ten minutes ago there can't have been any more fuck ups in that time you were the only one left in the office!" She sighed as he heard Elvis in the back ground ask if she wanted him to go in for her and heard her say no she'd go herself in two minutes.

"No it's not work, I need to see you tonight promise me you'll try to come over once the kids are settled it doesn't matter how late it is I'll be up waiting." He said quietly as he heard the car door shut and the familiar ding of a bell indicating the opening of a shop door.

"Ok look I promise but I have to get home before I can go again, you go home I'll see you there later." Nicola sighed scanning the shelf in front of her and then the surrounding area to make sure no one was taking too much interest in what she was buying before hanging up the phone and lifting the small box heading for the cash register.

"Looks like someone is hoping for good news." Just smiling assistant said as she took the money Nicola held out and put the clear blue pregnancy test in a white paper bag. "Good luck."

"Thanks." Nicola sighed heading for the door of the shop before continuing under her breath "I have a feeling I'm going to need it."


	2. Chapter 2

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 2/?**

"Mum why have you locked the door I need to use the loo!" Ella called from the other side of the locked bathroom door.

"I'm in the bath sweetie use the en-suite in mine and Daddy's bedroom." Nicola called back trying to calm the pounding in her chest that the unexpected sound of her daughter's voice had caused. It was almost 11 and she'd been sure they were all sleeping when she ran the bath in the family bathroom. Normally she only ever used the shower in the en-suite it was rare for her to have the time or the inclination to soak in the bath but tonight she'd needed to do something other than stare at the small blue and white box mocking her from the bathroom windowsill.

"Mum are you ok? You don't sound it." Ella called again a few minutes later clearly passing the door again on her return to her own room the concern in her voice making Nicola smile sadly. Things hadn't been easy for any of her children in the previous few months but Ella seemed to have got it worst of all of them and she knew it was the root cause of some of the problems they'd been having with her. Sometimes she wondered what had happened to the little girl who'd been so cheerful and loving before her mother became a government minister but at moments like this she knew that little girl was still there somewhere events and circumstances just meant she didn't make as many appearances.

"I'm fine Ella honestly I'm just tired you get back to bed it's late and you have school in the morning."

"OK but can I sleep in your bed since Daddy's away?"

"Course you can. Climb in and get back to sleep Love you see you in the morning."

"Love you too Mum." Ella replied sleepily as she heard soft footsteps pad away from the door and the sound of her and James's bedroom door close before sinking back into the hot water and staring at the large glass of scotch that was on the side of the bath. When she'd poured it she'd ignored the little voice in her head that told her that if she was right about being pregnant she shouldn't be drinking it. She'd told herself it wouldn't matter because even if she was right she couldn't keep the baby the potential ramifications of a married government minister pregnant to one of her aids was bad enough without even beginning to get on to how James would react. It had been so long since they'd slept together she found it laughable and the last time they had, on a night when they had both drank too much argued too much it had all ended in fury driven fuck that just optimised the sham that their marriage had become. The complete lack of anything resembling a sex life between them let alone a loving a tender relationship meant that the second he found out she was pregnant he'd know the child couldn't be his and that she'd been unfaithful and then all hell really would break loose. The thought of his reaction sent an involuntary shiver down her spine and caused a wave of nausea that had nothing to do with possible pregnancy.

When she'd told Ollie at the conference that James got jealous she knew he had thought it was nothing more than the normal reaction of a husband whose wife was in the public eye. Even when he'd realised what James was capable of she didn't think he'd really understood how bad things could get and that was the way she liked it but this was on a whole other level now and even if Ollie wouldn't understand the knot of fear now gripping her stomach she did. James didn't want her, he'd made it perfectly clear often enough that he didn't and that he was quite happy to fuck his way through half the female population of London and was probably starting on the female population of Dublin at that very moment but he still believed that no one else should have her either. As far as he was concerned she was his and she should be reminded of that as regularly as possible which was why up until that night in Eastbourne after her speech she'd never taken the risk and allowed herself to do anything that might make their home life any worse.With Ollie things had been different though she knew he had almost as much to lose from their relationship becoming public as she did and as such she'd allowed herself to trust that things would be ok. They'd been careful every time except that first night but then she knew more than most that it only took one act of carelessness to end up with a surprise delivery nine months later the proof of that fact was now curled up in the bed she normally shared with James and she couldn't quite believe she'd let it happen again. Ella hadn't been planned, they had three and were perfectly happy with that but back then their relationship had still been a happy one and one unexpected lazy Sunday afternoon with the other three kids out at a party things had gotten heated and her usual care in ensuring that they were careful had gone out the window. Hence a surprise edition to the family that twelve years on she couldn't imagine being without but this wasn't going to end that way, it couldn't end that way and the wave of sadness that washed over her as she got out of the bath dried quickly and pulled on the jeans and shirt she'd left hanging over the towel rail was all encompassing. Picking up the test and slipping it back into the paper bag she stuffed it into the top of her handbag sitting on the table on the landing and took out her phone. Opening a text box she sent a three word message that she knew he'd be waiting for, "on my way", three words that she knew he'd be smiling at right now but that would quickly seem less exciting when she got there and explained what was going on.

Moving along the landing she looked into each of her children's rooms ensuring they were sleeping before reaching her own bedroom and smiling at the way Ella was curled up on James's side of the bed the way she still clung to the corner of the pillow rubbing the soft fabric between her fingers like she had since she was a baby making her heart break a little more as she closed the door and finally reached the last door on at the very far end of the landing where Samantha their housekeeper come nanny come general godsend slept. Tapping lightly on the door she waited to be asked to come in before taking a deep breath and opening the door hoping she didn't look as terrible as she felt.

"Sam I'm sorry but I have to go out, the kids are all sleeping if there are any problems I've got my mobile ok?"

"Sure Mrs Murray I'm sure it'll all be fine though, I hope it's nothing too serious I don't know how you keep up with everything you have to do. People who say MP's are overpaid should try being one for a week." The young girl smiled turning her attention back to the film she'd been watching as Nicola closed the door and stood for a second on the landing looking around at the collection of closed doors. This was her favourite time of the night normally. On any other evening she'd be in her pyjamas settling down on the sofa in the living room to go through her boxes. The one time when she actually felt like she had a handle on the whole ministerial thing was when she had that hour or two at night completely alone with peace to take in what she was supposed to know and what she was supposed to do the next day. There hadn't been an evening in the previous months when she hadn't put everything back in the boxes completely convinced that the next day she would get it right, that there would be no fuck ups, that she might actually spend one day in the fucking DoSAC offices feeling like she was in control and should be there. Then again there hadn't been a day yet where she hadn't walked into the office the next morning to have that self-assurance shattered by the first thing that anyone said and the predictable shit storm that seemed to come from it. Right now though she would take that normality. She would take the quiet couple of hours, the momentary belief in herself and the inevitable disappointment when it all went to hell over what she was going to have to face now. By comparison to what she was sure was going to be the riot that started the second she told Ollie what she was thinking she'd take any amount of normal government related stress and be grateful for it.


	3. Chapter 3

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 3/?**

Pulling her car into a parking space in the underground garage of Ollie's apartment block Nicola killed the engine and stared through the windscreen at the whitewashed wall in front of her. The whole way there she'd been fighting the urge to turn back, to go crawl into bed beside Ella and pretend that none of this was happening. She'd almost managed to convince herself that if she just ignored it the whole situation would go away, if she just bided her time that evening bouts of sickness would disappear and her period which was now over a week late would miraculously appear. Delusion had always been something she'd been good at, when she didn't want to face something she was better than most at giving herself a long list of reasons why it wasn't actually true but this time it wasn't working. This time her body and her mind were refusing to play ball and she knew she had face up to what was happening sooner rather than later.

"I'm downstairs I'll be up in a second." She said into her phone as it burst into life shaking her from her thoughts and she heard Ollie's impatient voice on the other end. Getting out of the car she walked past the lift that would have go her to his front door in seconds and started on the four story climb up the stairs instead. Even without her refusal to use the lift she was sure she'd have walked that evening anything that was going to give her even a little more time to gather her thoughts would be welcome.

"God I don't know how you can be bothered with those fucking stairs every time you come here the boredom of having to climb them let alone the exertion would be enough to make me get over any fear of confined spaces." Ollie smiled as she finally reached his floor and walked toward him where he stood leaning against the door frame of his flat.

"Yeah well we all know when it comes to anything physical you'll avoid it as much as fucking possible." She jibed back gasping as he pulled her inside immediately pinning her to the wall inside the door and kissing her hungrily.

"Not everything physical, there's at least one thing that I'd happily wear myself out doing if I was doing it with you." He smiled her body reacting on instinct to him as he kissed her again his hands roaming her body making it impossible for her to stop him at that moment no matter how important what she was actually there for was. "Fuck I've missed you the last week I fuckin hate work when it stops me from doing this."

"You hate work full stop." She laughed pulling away from him finally before things went too far and she really couldn't stop herself giving in to him walking down the small hallway into the sitting room dropping her bag on the sofa and turning to face him again. "We need to talk."

"Yeah we do, but later, I want you so fucking much right now that if I don't have you here and now I'm sure it'll be dangerous to my health." Ollie replied ignoring the exaggerated eye roll his comment elicited and closing the gap between them again taking her hand and resting it on the uncomfortable bulge in joggers. He knew something was bothering her, he'd known the second she walked out of the bathroom again back at the office and he wanted to talk about it but first he wanted her and he also wanted to see her, touch her, check for any hints that her husband had hurt her again before he would believe her assertions that her fucked up home life wasn't at the root of unhappiness he could still feel radiating from her.

"Ollie I…"Nicola began her words being swallowed as he kissed her again his fingers bunching at the hem of her t-shirt pulling away just long enough to slip it over her head and ease her back onto the sofa.

"Ssssh I said later." He muttered letting his hands roam her body smiling as he reached the button of her jeans and slipped his hands inside the way she bit gently on her bottom lip telling him he'd snapped what little control she was exhibiting. Teasing her clit between his fingers he waited until her further protests were lost in a chorus of quiet moans before removing his hand again pulling her jeans down her legs taking her panties with them and leaving her naked in front of him.

Watching as he towered over her his eyes scanning her body Nicola knew what he was looking for and for a second said a silent thank you that this time here was no evidence that James had lost his temper again. The fact that he had been away for the previous few days meant that even though the night before she'd known had he been in the house rather than on the phone when he began his latest rant about her lack of commitment to their family things could and would have got physical he hadn't been there to act on his anger. Opening her mouth to speak again; to tell Ollie that they really needed to talk before things went any further; the words caught in her throat as he shed his t-shirt and joggers sitting on the sofa and pulling her into his lap and reaching for the small foil packet on the end table and handing it to her. Resisting the urge to just blurt out that it was a little too late for that she gave up trying to argue with him rolling the condom over his length as he groaned softly at the sensation before pulling her a little closer as she rose slightly off the sofa and sank onto him.

"Fuck you feel good Nicola." Ollie groaned his head buried in her shoulder as he kneaded her breasts in time with her frantic thrusts and knew neither of them was going to last long. The need built up by not being able to find the time to see each other combined with her mood when she arrived meant that he knew she was lost in allowing herself to enjoy every sensation, forget about everything else that may have been on her mind and find the release he knew she needed.

"Oh god Ollie…oh god so…" Nicola muttered her words punctuated by throaty groans as she felt the pleasure he had never failed to give her begin to build inside her and seconds later she was convulsing around him, trembling in his arms as he rose off the sofa filling her a final time before giving up himself twitching inside her as her name echoed around the room and she sank against his chest gasping for breath.

"Can you stay tonight? With James away I mean? You could go home in enough time to get ready for Elvis picking you up in the morning." Ollie asked a few minutes later as he returned from the bathroom handing her an oversized shirt and watching as she pulled it on before sitting beside her again pulling her into his arms her refusal to meet his eyes worrying him again just as it had back at the office earlier that evening.

"Yeah I can but we still need to talk and after we do you may not want me to." Nicola sighed the reality of why she was actually there hitting her again like a steam train now that the immediate effects of what they'd just done wore off.

"You're starting to fucking scare me now Nicola what could we possibly have to talk about that would make me not want you to be here for as long as possible?" Ollie asked his chest tightening as she pulled away resisting his attempts to reassure her. "Are you trying to tell me you want this to end because I don't want to lose you and I'll do whatever I have to do to show you that we can still make this work even if there'll be times like this week when we can't get two fucking minutes to ourselves we can still…"

"Ollie shut up!" Nicola snapped getting off the sofa and reaching for her handbag which had been discarded onto the floor. "I don't want this to end but I think you might, actually I think we might have no choice it's…well I think…there's a possibility I might….."

"Fuck sake Nicola get to the fucking point what is this all about?" He sighed the concern he'd been feeling multiplying as she rooted around in her handbag before pulling out a small white paper bag and dropping it onto his lap.

"That's what it's about." She said quietly immediately feeling like she was going to be sick again as he lifted the bag and she made a dash for the bathroom.


	4. Chapter 4

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 4/?**

"What the hell?" Ollie muttered opening the small paper bag and pulling out the pregnancy test inside feeling his blood run cold as he did. This had to be some sort of joke, they were careful, they had always….well almost always been careful now he couldn't quite believe what she was trying to tell him. Getting up and moving through the house to the closed bathroom door where he could hear her quietly sobbing behind it he knocked waiting for a second before speaking again. "Nicola come out, please I don't know what you're trying to say here are you pregnant? Do you think you might be? Have you done a test already? I'm fucking confused here so can you please come out so we can talk about what's happening here?"

"I…oh shit this is too hard I should never have said anything I should have just done the fucking test then dealt with it by myself." Nicola muttered hearing him sharply inhale as she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

"Hold on a fucking second if you are pregnant and you're telling me it's mine you don't make fucking decision on your own."

"What do you mean "if it's yours" who else's would it fucking be you know how much of a fucking risk this relationship has been for me do you honestly think I've been fucking my way through the office at the same time?" She snapped not believing that he was suggesting the child, if there was a fucking child, could be anyone's but his.

"I'm not saying anything of the fucking sort Nicola." Ollie sighed as she stormed past him grabbing the test from his hand as she did and pulling the rest of her clothes on before grabbing her bag and heading for the door. "Where the hell are you going we have to deal with this."

"No Ollie I have to deal with it, if there's even anything to deal with, clearly you think I have the morals of a fucking ally cat." Nicola shouted reaching for the latch on the front door as he put his hand firmly against it and saw her jump at the loud noise and sudden movement.

"Jesus Nicola I'm not going to hurt you I just want you to stay and talk about this." He whispered the fact that even though she knew he deplored the things her husband did to her and would never do anything even remotely similar was over ridden by something as simple as a noise or an action reminding him that they still had a way to go when it came to her trusting him not to act the same way. "Please come back inside and tell me what's going on, why do you even think you might be pregnant, other than that first night we've been careful."

"It only takes one night Ollie trust me I fucking know that better than most how do you think Ella got here." Nicola sighed allowing him to briefly pull her back into his arms before leading her into the living room and sitting down on the sofa again.

"And I know the answer to this already but I have to ask, there's no chance it could be James's?" He asked the scoffing laugh she gave making him feel even worse. He knew that sex wasn't part of her marriage but he also knew that in violent domestic relationships it wasn't always something the woman involved had much of a choice in.

"No, god even the idea of it is laughable. James couldn't find me less fucking attractive or want me less if he actively tried you know that." Nicola replied allowing hi9m another moment to comfort her as he pulled her back into his arms kissing her gently on the forehead.

"Yeah well he's a fucking bastard and an idiot to boot so his opinion is worthless." Ollie smiled taking the test from her hand again and staring at it like it might be about to explode. "So talk to me, properly this time, why do you think you might be pregnant is this something about what happened earlier I know you were in a state when you came out of the bathroom did you do a test?"

"No I don't need to do a test I know." Nicola replied staring at her hands for a second trying to work out how best to explain to him that she didn't need the test to confirm what she already knew. "I'm late, by over a week, I'm never late….."

"Well there's fucking loads of reasons why women miss a period Nicola I'm not exactly the world's most enlightened man but I remember those fucking cringe making personal education classes at school. Life hasn't exactly been stress free for you recently, not to mention that physical trauma can't help and….."

"Ollie will you let me fucking finish I mean Jesus this is hard enough to explain to you without you fucking interrupting every two minutes don't you think I know that? I convinced myself of that last month when it didn't show up either two months in a row is not normal besides I've had four kids I've been here before and done this I know the fucking signs. I've spent the last few evenings regular as clockwork with my head down the fucking toilet for one and I know my own body. I'll do the test but I can tell you already what it's going to say." Nicola sighed finally daring to look at him searching for some hint as to what he was going to say or how he was going to react. "Relax Ollie you don't have to do the whole "it's fine" conversation I can't have a baby, we can't have a baby we need to confirm that I'm right then make an appointment and….well you know what."

"Without so much as a conversation you've decided to get rid of our child? No fucking consultation, no asking me how I'd feel about that? You don't think I might have a fucking opinion on it?" Ollie snapped the sudden realisation that she had apparently already decided to abort their potential child horrifying him more than he'd expected it to.

"What other fucking option do we have Ollie? Setting aside the fact that the second he finds out I'm pregnant James is going to know it's not his and kill me and probably you as well how do you think the PM would react let alone Malcolm if we just wandered into the office tomorrow and announced that we'd been together for 2 months I was pregnant and we were going to have a baby and live happily ever after?" Nicola replied praying that he wouldn't try to talk her out of getting rid of the baby because she knew it wouldn't take much to break her control where it was concerned. She loved her kids in spite of the fact that since she'd been in government she felt like the world's shitiest mother and the idea of aborting her child, their child was not one she relished.

"I don't know the answer to those questions Nicola but I'm not prepared to accept that it's a foregone cucking conclusion that we'll just get rid of our kids like doing so is a trip to the fucking dentist." Ollie replied sinking back onto the sofa and sighing heavily. None of what would happen no matter what decision they made was going to be easy, actually it was going to be a fucking minefield of crap but he wanted to at least look at the possibilities before they dismissed the idea of being together and having the child completely.

"Look maybe I'm wrong we should at least do the test before we start having a fucking inquest about our next." Nicola sighed holding up the test and giving a weak smile as she got up. "I'll be right back."

"Well?" Ollie asked a few moments later when she re-emerged from the bathroom with the test in her hand.

"It says we have to wait 3 minutes the indicator says it's done right now we have to wait for the screen to show the result." She replied sitting down beside him as they stared at the screen for what felt like an eternity before the small screen display changed and the words "Pregnant 6-8 weeks" shone as brightly from it as if it was lit up in neon.

"OK so you're pregnant." Ollie said quietly his next words surprising him as much as they did him "Well then we work out how to make this work because we're not getting rid of it, there has to be another way."


	5. Chapter 5

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 5/?**

"Ollie you're not making sense and you're not fucking thinking this through. I don't want to have an abortion any more than you want me to but there isn't another option we could sit here all fucking night and that wouldn't change." Nicola sighed staring at the test her eyes blurring as they filled with tears. She knew where he was coming from she knew he was thinking about the baby, their baby and even though it was a concept that was new to him he appeared to have immediately developed the sort of protective parental instinct that she knew all too well herself. The problem was wanting to protect their unborn child did not change the facts and they had to set that aside for a moment and look at things logically.

"No you're the one not thinking this through Nicola can you honestly tell me you can walk into some sterile clinic somewhere and let some fucking doctor kill our child? I don't believe that's what you want. I know how much you love your kids the fact you have stayed with their fucking bastard of a father for so long is testament to that and I don't believe that you can think of that life growing inside you and glibly get fucking rid of it like it's and ingrowing fucking toe nail or something else inconvenient." Ollie replied taking the test from her and throwing it on the table his fingers resting under her chin tilting her head so she was looking at him as he wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb. "Please at least let's talk about it. There has to be another way it may not have been what we planned but there has to be a way we can make this work."

"How? You don't love me and no baby can change that fact we've had fun it's been great but it was never going to be a fairy tale Ollie you will meet someone and I will eventually have to go back to the way my life was before all this and I can come to fucking terms with that I accepted that when I let this happen but I can't do that with a baby involved. We have a child together and you can never walk away from me when you want to we'll go through all the accompanied shit that will come from deciding to have this child and then when it's all died down and there's still a child at the end of it you'll….."

"You've done a hell of a lot of assuming when it comes to my feelings Nicola." Ollie interrupted not quite believing what he was hearing. He'd assumed she knew that whatever this had been when it started now she was the most important thing in his life and he would do anything to protect her because contrary to her assertions he had fallen in love with her. He'd been biding his time having convinced himself that eventually when they were out of the madness of government he would tell her and she'd leave James and they'd make it work.

"What? Now you're going to tell me you're in love with me? We're not 17 Ollie you don't just decide you're in love with someone because there's a child involved we both know enough about the real fucking world to know life doesn't work like that. You don't love me I'm not even sure you like me most of the time I…."

"Nicola can you shut the hell up for two minutes and let me talk? You're right when this started it was a fling but then that's what it was for you too…"

"It was never a fling for me." Nicola interrupted holding up her hand when he sighed. "Do you think I'd take the risks I've taken for someone I didn't care about or have feelings for? I went into this with my eyes open Ollie I knew it didn't mean as much to you as it did to me and I was prepared to accept that but don't ever imply that I don't care about you, I wish with all my fucking heart that this was different, that there was no James, no DoSAC, no fucking Malcolm or Tom, that we were just two people who met and I was free to admit how I feel but we can't and I'm not convinced that….."

"You're doing it again stop trying to think for me I'm a fucking adult Nicola and I know how I feel, I do love you and I was prepared to accept that we could only have what we did until the time was right for things to change but this is a whole new fucking level there's another life involved and I'm not prepared to sit around and pretend about my feelings anymore. I love you and I want our child and you now we need to work out how we can make that happen." Ollie snapped pulling her a little closer and feeling her tense in his arms as he rested his hand on her tummy and kissed her gently. "I love you and I don't care right now if you believe that or not because I know it's true and I don't believe you want to have an abortion I think you're scared and frankly so am I this is a huge deal actually it's about as huge as it fucking gets but we can deal with it we just have to work out how."

"It's the working out how I'm having a problem with Ollie." Nicola sighed pulling away from him and starting to pace back and forward as he got up and went to the kitchen returning a minute later with a glass of water and handing it to her.

"Calm down do you go into a fucking melt down on me now it won't help and it can't be good for the baby take a drink and a deep breath." He smiled shaking his head as she did what he said then immediately started pacing again.

"OK look for the sake of argument let's say you're right that we should just say fuck it we love each other we're having a baby we'll make it work exactly how the hell do you see that working out Ollie?" She continued holding up her hand and checking things off on her fingers as she spoke. "There's work, there's my kids, there's the press, and to top it all off there's James. You know what he's capable of when he finds out I'm pregnant he'll… I mean he can go mad over nothing and lash out when he discovers I've been cheating on him he'll…"

"It's ok, Ssssh it's ok." Ollie said pulling her into his arms wrapping them around her in an attempt to remind her that right at that second she was safe and as far as he was concerned she always would be, whatever it took.

"It's not Ok Ollie it never can be in three days he's going to be home and even if we leave it as long as we can to tell him and everyone else while we work out what to do he will know, he was there the other four times Ollie he knows the signs he'll work it out and then he'll go mad and…"

"That's why you're not going back there." Ollie replied shaking his head firmly as she looked at him in shock. "Don't fight me on this Nicola we'll sort something out over the next couple of days while he's still away but you are not going back anywhere near him it's bad enough that I have to worry that he might hurt you but I am not giving him the opportunity to hurt our child. That's just not happening.


	6. Chapter 6

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 6/?**

"Now you really are out of your fucking mind Ollie, where exactly do you suggest I go? What exactly do you suggest I do with my children? If you think I'd leave them to be with you clearly are off your fucking rocker." Nicola replied not believing what she was hearing, abstract discussions about love and making things work that she was still sure would never work was one thing but suggesting that she leave James was something else entirely.

"What do you take me for? Jesus Nicola of course I don't want you to leave you kids with that bastard that's why I'm saying we will sort something out over the next few days. I know how much you love your kids and I would never want you to give them up I know you never would. I know you come as a package deal Nicola…."

"Ollie there's no fucking way you want to spend the rest of your life with me and my kids, baby or no baby you can't expect me to believe that you want to give up the life you have now to spend your evenings doing homework's and changing nappies. You're a young man and….."

"And I still know what I'm doing." Ollie interrupted feeling anger resurface at the fact she was once again making assumptions about how he felt or what he'd want. It wasn't that he didn't realise what he was saying or that it was a big deal to have her and her kids, kids who would probably resent him for breaking up their parent's marriage or even if they did accept him and the fact that Nicola shouldn't stay with James would have issues from having watched their mother used as a punch bag for their father over the years. He knew none of it as going to be easy and he couldn't understand why she assumed that he didn't.

"No you don't you've no idea what you're saying." Nicola shouted pulling away from him as he tried to guide her back to the sofa.

"Nicola sit down please and try to clam down I may not know much about pregnancy and pregnant women but I know getting in a state can't be good for you or the baby will you just be quiet for ten fucking minutes and let me talk?" He said quietly as she finally gave in sinking into the sofa and staring at him. She felt like someone had turned on a tap and drained her emotionally and physically. When she'd left her house a couple of hours before she'd been so sure of what she should do, what she had to do and now everything was up in the air and she didn't think she could think straight while she was still so close to him.

"I think maybe we both need some time on our own to think about this Ollie, then we can talk about it again tomorrow or something." She sighed knowing her wasn't going to let it drop until he'd said what he needed to but feeling like she had to try anyway.

"Let me speak first then if you need time to think it all through I'll respect that but you need to hear what I have to say first." Ollie replied sitting beside her and taking her hand resting it over her stomach and his hand on top of hers as if to remind them why they were having tis conversation because there was a child growing inside her that had to be considered too. "I know how hard its going to be I'm not looking at this in some rose tinted glasses sort of way thinking we'll set up home with your kids and have this baby and it will all be hearts and flowers. I know it will be a nightmare at work, I know that we are going to have to sit through some serious crap over the next few weeks there but I'm prepared to deal with that and most importantly I know that we have a huge mountain to climb where your kids and James are concerned. I know he will go mad when he finds out I know he will want to fucking kill you and probably me too and I promise you that I won't let him hurt you or our baby. I know your kids are part of the deal Nicola I love you and one of the things I love most about you is that through all the shit we do day to day and the things we have to put up with you put them first even when you get it in the ear from Malcolm because of it. I know how much you love them and that's why I know you will be a fantastic mother to our baby too no matter what we have to go through between now and when it arrives. Please let me take care of you, all of you. Let's use the next couple of days to find somewhere that is big enough for all of us or even just for you and the kids for now if that's what you want. I just want you and them to be away from that house before he gets back Nicola especially if you're so share he'll work out you're pregnant before it's obvious to anyone else. I'm frightened for you and I don't know what I would do if he hurt you again, I don't think I'd be responsible for my actions. If I ever have to look at a mark on your body again caused by him and I could never leave your kids with him or expect you to. Am I getting through to you at all here? Do you understand how serious I am about this?"

"Yes I do." Nicola sighed the things he'd said soaking into her mind meaning for that moment she actually believed they might be able to make it work. She might be able to leave James take the kids with her and ride out everything that came along with that but it didn't help the fear that was coiled in the pit of her stomach. James didn't play fair he would do whatever he could to make her life hell and much as he didn't want the kids he would try to ensure that she didn't keep them. It was such a dangerous road to go down. She knew she was standing at a crossroads now turn one way and she would terminate the pregnancy, probably lose Ollie and a big part of herself in doing so but it would illuminate the mountain of problems that he'd just listed. Turn the other way and she was taking a road that wasn't just going to be bumpy it was going to be like stepping onto roller coaster with no safety harness and replying on hope and faith in what he'd said to get her to the end of it. Time was running out even if they spent all of the next few days doing exactly what he said it would be hard to move her and the kids out of the house before James got back so she knew she had to decide what way to turn and do it now. She knew she was about to make a decision that would dictate the direction her entire future took and she already knew which way she was going to go she just hoped that he genuinely did know what he was saying because once she put a foot on that road there'd be no turning back.


	7. Chapter 7

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 7/?**

"Ok look if, and I'm still saying if, we decide to just go with your plan. If we decide to say to hell with it we love each other, we're having a baby and whatever shit comes with that we'll cope with that, how do you think we can even get anything organised before James comes home. In four days he's going to walk back through the door into our home and expect to see me and the kids waiting for him pretending we're delighted he's home." Nicola sighed taking another drink from the glass of water he'd given her as her throat felt like it had instantly turned to a desert sands.

"I don't know how we'd do it right now, it's 2 in the morning we can't do anything, but as soon as places are open in the morning we can get on to trying to find you somewhere to live. We'll call Malcolm and get him to come here and explain what's going on that way when he blows his fucking stack and starts screaming at us it will be somewhere where no one else will hear because when he eventually calms down he'll work with us, he won't like it but he'll do it you know he will."

"I really don't know that he will Ollie. He pitches a fucking fit if I drop my handbag on the way out of a building because he says it makes me look incompetent what the hell makes you think he's going to get on board with all this? I wouldn't be surprised if after he tore a dozen strips off each of us he then just said we were on our own, got Tom to shunt me into the fucking Welsh or Northern Ireland offices and had you counting paperclips in the fucking stationary cupboard between now and retirement. I really can't see why you think he'll just lose it then calm down and be on our side."

"He'll do it because he cares about you."

"Bollocks, of all the truly ridiculous things you've said tonight that is right at the top of the fucking pile. He doesn't give a damn about me, I got this department because no one else wanted it and he's regretted the moment he phoned me about it at least a dozen times every day since." Nicola sighed the hollow laugh that accompanied her words making a fresh wave of anger raise in Ollie's chest. He'd always known that she had a seriously skewed view of her own worth and what other people thought of her but now more than ever he needed her to see that what she thought wasn't true and that just because James had spent more years than he wanted to think about making her feel useless and worthless and unloved didn't mean that was how everyone saw her. He knew Malcolm would rather cut his own balls off than tell her that he respected her and the fact she was prepared to stand up for what she thought was right, and he'd add his cock to the pile rather than tell her he actually cared but they all knew he did, all apparently except her.

"Nicola you really don't see what is right in front of your nose at times, I love you but you can be totally blind. Malcolm does care about you, he'd never tell you that, actually he'd fucking die before admitting it, but he does. Not only that but he may be a mouthy, angry, yelling Scots bastard 99% of the time but he would never condone what James does to you and how he treats you I told you that way back on that first night in the hotel and it's still true. He'll fucking give us both a bollocking like we've never experienced in our lives before, he will probably shout and yell and maybe even throw things, he may end up at serious risk of a stroke his blood pressure will go so completely through the roof but when he's got past that I really believe he will help and he'll not want you and your kids being in that house when James comes home any more than I will." He explained taking the empty water glass off her and heading for the kitchen to refill it. He could see that she was getting emotional again and they had said so much and so many things that meant huge changes if she agreed to it and he knew she needed a second alone to process it all so if refilling a drink she might not touch again was what it took then he could live with that.

Resting her head back on the sofa and taking a deep breath Nicola felt like her insides were being wrung out. The gripping fist of fear still in her stomach was in direct competition with the pain in her chest that was caused by the constant pounding of her heart to see which could make her feel worse. She felt like she had been bombarded with a dumper truck full of information and emotions and that she was being suffocated by they all. She had just about persuaded herself to believe that he loved her and really did want to climb any obstacle so they could be together and have their baby, she'd taken the leap needed to accept that he understood what it would mean and that she came as a group, that her children had to be part of any plan and he was ok with that but the idea that Malcolm might actually get past his fury and be on their side was something that just seemed ridiculous. She'd spent the better part of 17 years with James and even before Ella was born and his aggression turned physical he had been controlling and liked to undermine any hint of confidence in her own worth that she had dare to have. When she'd first gone into politics he'd told her that it was doomed to fail, that she was too unintelligent and generally useless to make it work and everyone would see what he'd always known and she'd be a laughing stock. At the time she knew that was the only reason he'd agreed to her running in the first place because he thought she stood no chance the humiliation would put her back in her place. He'd been furious when she had been elected and even more angry when she was promoted to the cabinet. The bungling way shed managed that new post in the months since and the way Malcolm seemed to spend more and more time yelling directly into her face seemed to be a confirmation of everything her controlling aggressive husband had said over the years. Now she was being faced with the prospect that behind all the yelling from him and eye rolls from the others they might care and want her to be safe and happy was almost as mind blowing as the fact she was pregnant and had decided to leave her husband and up root her children to try to start a new life with the father of the child, the father of the child who was almost half her age and from what she could work out hadn't had anything resembling a lasting relationship.

"I made you a cup of lemon zinger I figured you might need it are you ok, I mean I know you're not ok but…." Ollie said quietly coming in and handing her a mug before sitting beside her on the sofa taking her free hand and holding it gently. "I know you're going to need time to think this through, to sort it out in your head, I know it's going to be a huge thing for you, hell it's a huge fucking thing for both of us but….."

"OK."

"Ok? Ok what? Ok you'll think about it? Ok you've made a decision? OK you think it's all pointless and you're going to get rid of our baby and pretend none of this ever happened? Ok what?"

"Ok I can't believe I'm saying this but Ok we'll try but only if you promise me one thing, well two things actually."

"Anything just name it. I will do whatever it takes Nicola you only have to say."

"At any point in the madness that's going to start the second we call Malcolm in the morning you want out you tell me and you do it right away and tell me straight now fucking around on me, no waiting until you hate the sight of me, the second you want out you tell me and you go ok?"

"I won't want out Nicola, I won't cheat on you, I will never hate you, that moment when I want out is never going to happen."

"Promise me Ollie."

"Ok it's never going to happen but if it does I promise that I will tell you." Ollie smiled his heart racing as she nodded and he waited to hear what the second thing was that she was going to insist that he promise.

"And if we do this I'm putting a lot of things in your hands, I'm not the feeble scatter-brained idiot everyone seems to think I am and I will do whatever it takes to keep me and my children…..all of my children…." Nicola continued resting her hand gently on her stomach as she did "safe but I won't be able to do it alone James will hunt me down to the ends of the earth if he has to, he will try to hurt me both physically and mentally in any way he can and he will not just let go of his children without a fight so I need someone who's going to stand beside me and fight with me if this is ever going to work. I need you to promise that you will be there to protect us, help me protect us, I can't do it alone, if I could I would have done it years ago."

"That's a very easy thing to promise Nicola that's what I've been telling you all night. I will be there, he will never lay a finger on you again, he will never hurt you in any way because if he wants to he'll have to kill me to get to you. I promise I will be 100% by your side through everything you'll never have to do any of it alone from speaking to Malcolm tomorrow to lying on your death bed at 105 many years from now surrounded by your 5 children and you grandchildren and me I will be there with you ever single step of the way. I promise you that with all my heart." Ollie replied running the pad of his thumb over her cheek as a single tear escaped and ran down it. "So does this mean we are going to do this? I love you Nicola please tell me you're going to accept that and we're going to make this work whatever it takes."

"Yes. Ok yes we'll do it, it's going to be a fucking nightmare but when that's over we might just come out the other side happy and I'm willing to take that risk." Nicola said quietly the tightness in her chest finally lifting and the coil of fear loosening a little though not leaving her completely alone. She had no idea what she was going to be faced with from then on, she had no idea if they would come out the other side unscathed, she didn't know what her children would say when she went home and told them they were all going running away essentially from their father but she knew one thing and that was what was making the decision easy in the end. She knew she loved Ollie, she knew she wanted their baby and could never have aborted it no matter how much she tried to convince herself she could, and she knew that a life with him could only be better and for that she would happily sit on the roller coaster and close her eyes, have faith in him and in them and pray that when the ride was over there had been no casualties along the way.


	8. Chapter 8

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 8/?**

"Are you sure you're ok? You're not too tired? I can do those alone and you can sleep then I'll show you anything I find before we call Malcolm in the morning." Ollie said quietly looking up from the laptop he was working on to where Nicola was lying on the sofa beside him.

"No I'm fine honestly. We're doing this together remember, all of it." Nicola replied stretching and trying to pull herself together a little and focus on what he was doing. After holding her while she cried for what seemed like hours after she'd made her decision Ollie had immediately sprang into action and for the last half an hour had been searching central London property websites looking for somewhere appropriate to rent.

"Honey I don't want you to over to overdo it you have to think of the baby too I don't know much about pregnancy but I'm pretty fucking sure that the level of stress you've had tonight combines with being over tired couldn't be good for either of you."

"Nor is lying next door in bed while you're in here planning our future I wouldn't sleep anyway. Are you going to fuss over me the whole time I'm pregnant?"

"I'm going to fuss over you for the rest of your life pregnant or not. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No. Actually I don't!" Nicola sighed, she knew the contentment and calm she was feeling couldn't last. Right now they were in a bubble, one that had surrounded them as surely as the cloak of night was surrounding the building. For the next couple of hours she could pretend that they were any ordinary couple in love and expecting a baby. While it was still dark outside and the rest of the world slept she could push all of the complications they were about to release and the shit storm that would start the second Malcolm walked in the door out of her head. That was the reason she didn't want to sleep if she was honest. Her body screamed for rest, she knew that would be the theme of the coming months throughout her other pregnancies she'd been in a permanent state of exhaustion but she'd always adapted and she would this time too. Given how much she wanted to stay inside the bubble now seemed like as good a time as any to start fighting that exhaustion.

"Tell me what it's going to be like?" Ollie smiled setting the laptop aside, abandoning his property search as he lay on the sofa pulling her into his arms so her back rested against his chest and her body rested snuggly between his legs. "Forget all the rest of it just now. Imagine it's not there at all and we're just talking about having our baby. You've done this before. When will we start to feel him move? When will you start to look pregnant? When do we get to see him on a scan?

"Him?" Nicola laughed amazed at the fact that regardless if it was a tosser like James or an amazing man like Ollie men always defaulted to "him" when discussing their unborn children.

"Him, her, it doesn't matter either way I just want you to tell me what it's like. I'm new to all this you've done it four times already." Ollie continued as he rested his hands on her stomach kissing her gently on the top of the head. He was all too aware that he should still be property hunting and she should be sleeping but he couldn't bring himself to steal away these last few hours from them. He knew when the sun came up and the insanity started there would be unlikely to be many moments when he could just talk to her about their child. There would be limited opportunities for him to get the details of what was normal in the term of a pregnancy and what was something to be worried about. Even if by some miracle things weren't as mad as they were both expecting it to be at the very least they would be dealing with uprooting her children and them adapting to the fact she was with him rather than their father. All of that was a journey he was willing to take but for now he wanted their moment, their little snapshot of time to table about it all, before they had to face reality again.

"Ok well they normally do a scan at 12 weeks but when I see my doctor he may want one done right away to make sure everything is ok. He….."

"Why wouldn't everything be ok? You feel ok don't you? What could be wrong? You've had babies before why would our baby be any different?"

"Ssh stop freaking out on me, he may want to check things out because I had a difficult birth with Ella so he is likely to want to be careful. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong but it's better to be safe isn't it?" Nicola replied the abject panic in his eyes making her realize just how different this pregnancy was going to be. Even 16 years before when she'd been expecting Emily James hadn't been a man who fussed, he had a self-assured cockiness that went so far as to believe that no child of his would dare do anything but grow contentedly for nine months then arrive at a convenient time on it's due date. With her other pregnancies he had been less and less engaged until by the time Ella was born he didn't care one way or the other. Things were going to be different this time, she'd already known that, but now the combination or Ollie's inexperience and his desire to make sure she and the baby were ok was bringing it home in startling colour.

"Ok, sorry but the thought of anything happening to you or the baby scares me."

"I know and I can't tell you exactly how it's going to be." Nicola continues resting her hand over his where it still lay on her stomach. "Like you said I've done it 4 times but every one of those times has been different and none of them were as potentially stressful as this one will be."

"I'll make sure that you aren't distressed as much as I possibly can Nicola. I meant it when I said James or anyone else will have to go through me to harm you in anyway at all ever again." Ollie reassured feeling her sigh against his chest. "At least tell me the throwing up is going to stop soon you looked like death warmed up when you came out of the bathroom tonight it scared the shit out of me. I was sure you were really ill."

"It should pass in a week or two it's never lasted past the first couple of months before." Nicola smiled glancing at the laptop still in her eye-line with a list of central London rental homes. "You realise it's going to be really difficult to find anywhere big enough at such short notice."

"Yeah I do, but that's the first thing I think Malcolm will be able to help with once he gets over the fucking heart attack he's going to have when we tell him." Ollie reassured the mention of the house again and of Malcolm being like a cold wind blowing through the room. Outside the window the first shards of dawn were starting to break through the autumn mist. A glance at the clock told him it was five thirty already and within the hour they would have to call Malcolm and intercept him before he left for the office. He could feel the way Nicola had tensed again in his arms and hated the fact that they both knew this moment was simply the calm before the storm.

"You really believe when he gets past the screaming and yelling and calling us fucking idiots he's going to come through on this don't you?" She asked taking a deep breath as Ollie nodded. She wanted to have the same faith in Malcolm that he had, she wanted to believe that he would put aside how he felt about their relationship and her pregnancy and help. She knew that the bubble was now lose to bursting and she would have to go back to reality and find a way to make it work. For her the problem was that she still didn't believe they'd have the backing of the angry Scot and without it she didn't know how they could do things alone, at least in the beginning.

"It's going to be ok I promise." Ollie said quietly hoping that he wasn't starting this new part of their life together by making a promise he couldn't keep. This was one time he needed to be right about Malcolm and how he would react and he was 99% sure that he was. Now he just had to hope that the remaining 1% of doubt didn't come back to bite him or she might back out completely and he didn't know what he'd do if that happened.


	9. Chapter 9

**** For authors notes, disclaimer etc. see chapter 1**

**Another Level 9/?**

"James stop it! I'm sorry but there's nothing you can do I've made my decision and it's over the kids are better off away from you and so am I."

"You're not walking out on me Nicola I've told you often enough you belong to me, those are my children and none of you are fucking leaving clearly I haven't made my point well enough before." His hand made contact with her ribs before she had a chance to reply, her eyes watered but she stood strong determined this time she wasn't going to stand around and let this happen. This time she had a reason to walk, a reason to stand up to him, a reason to fight. He wasn't going to hurt her because she wasn't going to let him hurt her baby, their baby, she'd promised Ollie it would be ok, that she'd be better talking to James alone now she had to prove she could do this.

"I'm leaving now and if you ever come near me or the children again I'll….." She tried to move to turn away and walk to the door but before she knew what was happening she was on the floor one blow coming after another as the room started to spin around her and then she felt it. A single forceful kick, a pain that felt like it was tearing her apart. The scream she gave seemed to echo around the room louder and louder until…..

"Nicola? Nicola wake up, sssh it's ok I'm here. Please honey wake up." Ollie said firmly the sound of her agonised scream still ringing in his ears as he gently shook her eventually seeing her eyes flicker and open before she stared at him her face so pale her skin verged on translucent, tears streaming from her eyes causing a bolt of fear to cut through him. "Nicola calm down it's ok it was a dream, I'm here, you're safe, everything is ok I…"

"He wouldn't listen, I didn't even tell him about the baby I just told him we were going, he wouldn't let me go, he…he kicked me and I knew…..I knew he'd…" Nicola attempted to explain her words coming in tearful gasps as she fought to pull herself together to tell him how hard she'd tried to keep their baby safe and how she'd failed. "I tried Ollie, I was strong I told him it didn't matter what he said I even tried to walk away but suddenly he was in control and when I felt him…."

"It's ok, Nicola please calm down it was just a dream please take a deep breath, I'm going to get you some water then we're going to go to bed you need to sleep properly it's only 4am we have time for you to get some proper sleep before we have to call Malcolm. Please just breathe, deep breaths honey I'll be back in two seconds."

Pausing at the living room door to see her rock slowly on the sofa the tears still coming in earnest and her breathing frantic and laboured Ollie fought the urge to go out the door and hunt down James Murray even if it meant getting on a plane to do it. He'd never seen her so scared, never really had it brought home to him so clearly the control her bastard of a husband had over her. He's seen a glimpse of it earlier that night when they were discussing their options but it was nothing to the glaring view he was having now. She was terrified, traumatised in a way he never thought possible by a dream involving talking to her husband and it was only heightening his determination that this had to end.

"Drink this baby and please, please try to calm down it's not good for you nor the baby for you to be so upset." He smiled when he came back from the kitchen looking for her handbag and rooting around in it before holding out the bottle of rescue remedy that he knew would be inside.

"I can't take it, you're not supposed to if you're pregnant or breast feeding." Nicola replied shrugging slightly as his eyes widened.

"Oh my god we're really in trouble!" Ollie laughed hoping the joke would help to lift the tension. "Nine months of a rescue remedy deprived Nicola can I change my mind now? I'm not sure the world will survive that let alone me."

"No, you're stuck with me now with all of us including the baby." Nicola sighed her heart rate finally feeling like it was returning to normal as he nodded before sitting beside her on the sofa pulling her into his arms once she'd set the empty glass back on the table.

"Good because I wouldn't want to change my mind. I promise you Nicola you won't be facing him alone, you'll never be in a position where he can hurt you again."

"It was so real Ollie, the pain felt so real and all I could think was that I'd let you down, I'd let him hurt the baby but I tried to get away from him, I tried to be strong. I told him there was nothing he could do and I tried to walk away when he first hit me but I failed I'm so sorry I…"

"Nicola it was a dream you haven't failed you're fine, the baby is fine. IN reality you won't ever be in a position where you are talking to him alone, you'll never have to worry about him hurting you or the baby because if he tries to lay a finger on you I will kill him with my bare hands understand?"

Nodding she let him kiss her gently before taking her hand and leading her through the flat to the bedroom getting under the duvet and spooning into her back his hand resting protectively over her stomach as he did.

"I love you." She said quietly taking a deep breath as sleep crept up on her again.

"I love you too honey." Ollie whispered kissing her gently on the back of her head as he heard her breathing finally even out completely and knew that she had fallen asleep again. Waiting until he was sure she was in a deep sleep he slipped his arms from round her kissing her a final time on the cheek before getting out of bed. He knew it was time to make the call, if he hadn't been sure it had to be done immediately before the dream and her reaction to it had brought it home even more. It may have been technically still the middle of the night but he knew Malcolm would be awake and getting ready to head into his Downing Street office. He needed to make the call and get him to come there instead of the office and he needed to do it while she was sleeping, if he could get past the worst of Malcolm's melt down while she slept then maybe by the time she got up they'd be at the stage where he was ready to help them plan their next move because he wasn't sure she could handle any more stress that day and when Malcolm first heard why they had called him there it was going to be hell. Now as he dialled the number he realised it wasn't just James he needed to protect her from it was the rest of the world as well, starting with Malcolm.


End file.
